Ranch Life

“So you remember Sebastian from the party?” Andrea asked as we were lying on the lounge chairs in the back yard, on what we fondly call our periodic “Charles and Andrea love each other day”.

“Yes, he was that good looking German boy, Sophia’s friend from Hamburg.”

“Well you know that he has some big corporate job and quit to take another. He told Sophia that before he starts his new job he has two weeks vacation and wants to do something that he has never done before. So she invited him to stay out at the ranch. He jumped at the chance even though he doesn’t speak any Spanish, and is going to be working out there, helping out. Sophia is still in Argentina with her mom, Regina, so Alex and I took Sebastian out to the Ranch yesterday. You know the spot right before the hacienda, where the river is? Well now the river is completely dry. Not even the soil is wet. So we’re driving up and on the other side of the river, right in front of the hacienda, a dead cow.” Andrea held her arms up, “Legs straight up in the air, all bloated, flies everywhere. And you know Lobo? She had 13 puppies so there are about 20 dogs running all over the place, toys from Mary Elena’s six kids scattered all over the court yard, the bathroom a mess, just horrible.”

“Oh my god. And Sebastian is from one of the most beautiful and pristine cities in Europe.”

“Exactly. But he took it all in stride, kept saying how amazing and beautiful it was. And all I could think was “gross.” You know it is because Regina has not been there for over a month. They need a boss. Someone to tell them what to do. How do you say it? While the cat is away the mice are playing?”

“Close enough.”

So we go inside to introduce Sebastian and get him settled and start taking notes to call Regina. With no rain they’re running out of food and water for the cattle, they don’t know what to do . . . What water is left is stagnant and making them sick. Anyway, we come back out and by now the dogs have gotten into the dead cow. Bloody dogs everywhere. And Poopaw, you remember little Poopaw? She is INSIDE the cow’s butt, head buried inside, tail wagging. Oh Charles, it was so gross. And the smell!”


While life at the ranchito is not as rustic as a real ranch, we’ve had our share of country living. The first big rain storm found us scurrying around the house with bowls and towels, moving furniture, drying dogs. It also left us without power for a few hours and without a phone for four days. Then the critters began coming out.

Ever heard of June bugs? Someone told me that is what they are. These little flying beetles that commit suicide in the fountain and pond and leave a layer of carcasses on the front patio from slamming into the lights. Hundreds of them all appearing in one night. Then the next day swarms of birds had a buffet in the front yard and now there are hardly any.

Rod brought a tortoise home that he almost ran over, about the size of your palm, and we set it loose in the rock garden. He later found a five foot snake in the back yard that slithered off and we don’t know where it went. A few minutes later we watched a tarantula swagger across the patio. Two ducks were in the pond the other morning and there is something that we can hear scurry very quickly across the roof several times during the day and night.

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